What happened

        To whomever is reading this email. I started my journey looking to buy a Cadillac in February of this year and by the end of March I found one I really liked. Only problem with this car was that I’d never sat in this model before and this car was in Indiana. I was neither flying nor driving to Indiana but wanted to make sure I fit in the car comfortably and that I liked it as much in person as I did online. I needed to find one close to me to test it out first and that’s where Johnson Cadillac came into the picture. You guys had the same model, year, interior/exterior color that I saw online the only difference I saw was that the Johnson Cadillac was more expensive and had more miles (and those corny ass yellow calipers but whatever). So I went to Johnson Cadillac to test drive the car and met Mr. Jeff the salesman (super nice guy). Went through the normal steps of talking with Jeff and test drove the car. When I did my walk around of the vehicle to look at it I  noticed 1 the previous owner couldn’t park and scuffed up two of the rims and 2 one of the taillights was peeling on the inside. I thought to myself this is a “CERTIFIED “ used vehicle and they don’t atleast fix the rims and tail light? This IS a Cadillac right? Whatever. I was told the rims could be painted but the tail light was expensive and unsure about fixing that.  I liked the car and was gonna purchase the one in Indiana considering it was cheaper and had less miles. I was pretty straightforward with Jeff afterwards and told him about the other car that was cheaper with less miles. He replied asking me if the car was a “CERTIFIED “ used vehicle. I responded I didn’t know and the staff at Johnson preceded to search the internet for the car I was talking about and told me NO the car I wanted wasn’t “CERTIFIED “ and continued to tell me how important a “CERTIFIED “ stamp is on a used vehicle. I was told it was the end of the month and they really wanted me to sign that day.  When asked what was needed to get me into the car that Day I told them I had to go home and talk it over with the wife and so I left that day. 

    After going home and talking with the wife we figured if we could atleast get the rims and tail light fixed like it should’ve been in the first place then maybe try to get the price down some and ask for a few oil changes to bring the value atleast a little closer to what the car in Indiana was then we would just buy the car here considering it was “CERTIFIED “ and there would be no headaches. Boy was I wrong. So I came back to Johnson Cadilllac ironically right after April Fools Day (Guess who the fool was) to hopefully finalize the deal. I came there with an offer of a reduced price and I think 6 free oil changes while fixing what should’ve been done in the first place anyway (fix the rims and tail light it’s a Cadillac) and was countered with a not so reduced price and 2 oil changes. I told Jeff to forget about the oil changes and give me the price I settled on for the car and he came back with a reply from management that they didn’t want me to feel like I got nothing so they kept one free oil change. I later found out that “CERTIFIED “ used vehicles COME with 2 free visits anyway. I got chewed down to LESS than what a “CERTIFIED “ used vehicle gets while still PAYING MORE for MORE MILES than what I could’ve gotten elsewhere. So I went into the finance office and closed the deal on this Cadillac. I brought 5k cash for the deposit and unfortunately my wife didn’t, thinking she could just use her debit card, so we had to put the other 5k on the credit card. I was then told that the car would go back in their garage, on the lift, tires removed and a third party would fix the rims and this would take 24-48 hours. 48 hours + later and Mr. Jeff calls me up and tells me the car isn’t ready yet and then another 2  days later Jeff calls me again reiterating that the car still isn’t ready and that he’ll talk to the service manager that Monday to find out what’s up with my car.

     I then spoke with Chris the service manager there the following Tuesday. That’s when I was told that while my car was up on the lift the very observant staff there noticed that the one strut was hanging/sagging and had to be replaced. I said to this service manager that my car was a “CERTIFIED “ vehicle and asked why this wasn’t noticed then. I didn’t get much of a response other than that this issue was getting fixed and that NOW the car has to goto another third party to have an alignment done. So again I asked this was a “CERTIFIED “ vehicle right? I was then told by Chris this wasn’t a regular alignment, that the car had to be strapped down, special something and blah blah blah. Not feeling good here when I purchase something and before I even leave the gate there’s problems but it only gets worse.

    Now another 2 days later and this “service manager” calls me again and this time tells me that my car is in “BETTER CONDITION “ than  it was the day before and the body shop that’s doing my front end alignment found an eh uh eh ah tweak or bend in the lower control arm. That voicemail irritates the fuck outta me. BETTER CONDITION? What the fuck is this tool bag talking about? I bought a CERTIFIED used vehicle from you idiots with a 172 check point INSPECTION that my vehicle had to have passed in order to be CERTIFIED. CADILLACS checklist specifically states struts, alignment and control arms on the car I just purchased and haven’t even taken off the lot yet had all 3 FAIL upon re inspection (By a third party)one of them is still in a fail state and this clown is telling me I’m better off. If I didn’t say to pull those rims off and fix them you knuckleheads would’ve never even seen this hanging/sagging strut. Is taking the rims off not necessary to do a 172 point inspection? How do you check the struts then if you can only see the problem with rims on? Only by ME asking to FIX something that a Cadillac, CERTIFIED no less, should’ve already had done was this problem able to be found. Pull your head outta your ass. This was CERTIFIED right? Not only did this third party find these problems Incompotent Chris couldn’t find but they are also installing them as well probably because incomponent Chris can’t distinguish his ass from a hole in the ground.  Did somebody hit something while driving my car and that created extra problems or did incompetent Chris just not do his job properly. This was a Friday and he was hoping for MAYBE Tuesday. Tuesday comes, numb nuts calls me and now he’s waiting for paperwork from this third party. Is this THIRD PARTY BODY SHOP that’s doing Incompotent Chris’s work going to CERTIFY my vehicle now? If there’s a problem in the future am I going back to them because they know what they’re doing? WTF? I still have to wait 3 more days for Mr Incompotence to tell me that he’s still waiting for this third party to print out the alignment report and that they’re still putting the strut and lower/upper mounts in and he wouldn’t have the car that day. 

    You know why this is taking so long? Because this third party looks at Johnson Cadillac as unimportant, low priority, back burner type of work or maybe you fucked them over at some point as well and this is just them getting back at you.   

    At this point I’m angry and I’m coming in to Johnson Cadillac to talk to whoever is in charge over there because this is ridiculous. How the Fuck is this a Cadillac dealership and how are these cars CERTIFIED? So I go down there one night after a few weeks of getting jerked around and met the “sales manager” at the desk and was told the GM had already left and was asked if there was anything He could do. This character will be referenced as the Garden Gnome for the rest of the story. So the Gnome asks me what the problem is and I proceed to explain to him the situation. When I got to the part about the hanging strut, front end alignment and bent control arm he told me that Johnson Cadillac doesn’t have a front end rack, doesn’t  do front end alignments and can’t check those items. I told him his 172 point check list states that those things were checked, I paid extra fucking money for this CERTIFIED BS and that was suppose to give me piece of mind. He told me if those 3 items had to be checked on every CERTIFIED vehicle then NO VEHICLE could be CERTIFIED. My fucking head exploded when he said this. This Garden Gnome is the Head of Sales where the salesman told me how important this CERTIFICATION is, how much piece of mind I’d get and convinced me to pay more and now the Gnome is telling me nobody CERTIFIES any front ends in that building? If I didn’t NOT WANT this car before then I REALLY don’t want it now. WTF?    I went straight over to Johnson Dodge right down the street, knowing this was the sister store and spoke to 2 gentlemen over there. I first sat down with Mr. Mel one of the salesmen there and started asking questions about buying a car and CERTIFICATIONS. Mel was a kind man and answered my questions with knowledge and confidence and then I told him that I had a story to tell him and if he could bring out his boss so I didn’t have to repeat the story and more than one set of ears could hear it. He complied and brought out HIS sales manager and I continued to tell these gentlemen my experience up to that point. They seemed to agree that it was an unpleasant experience and sympathized with my situation. 
    The next day Mr. Jeff calls me and leaves a message that my car is finally ready and I can pick it up. I texted him back that I’m sure he’s aware I was there the previous night, spoke with the Garden Gnome and that I would stop back that night to speak to the GM. When I arrived back I met the GM, Jason, for the first time and he looked a little  shocked to see me. He replied something about Incompotent Chris and how the paperwork was there earlier but he had already left and blah blah blah. This fucking asshat been jerking me around for 2 weeks with something his team should’ve had taken care of already because it was CERTIFIED and when the paperwork finally comes in he leaves to go play hide the salami with the Gnome and leave me hanging still.  Fuck that prick. Jason then brings me into one of the offices apologizes and first asks what can be done to keep me in that car. I told him that I’m not a trusting person to begin with and all I’ve been shown is lies and incompotence and that I wanted out. It was a Friday and he said he couldn’t do anything then but come Monday morning he would get on it. I thanked him and told him if he was honest and that I could be unwound from this BS I wouldn’t be mad and that I’d consider us BOTH winners. 
   Monday came and went and so did Tuesday almost until I called to find out WTF is going on. I call, tell them who I am and am connected to somebody who I thought was Jason at first. Thirty seconds into THIS conversation and this guy is asking me what needs to be done to keep me in this car. I immediately asked who am I talking to. This was the finance manager he said and more blah blah fucking blah. I told him I already spoke with the GM who probably sits higher than him in that building and he told me I could get my deposit back and the deal could be unwound so I didn’t care to hear what he had to say otherwise. I told him anyway the shitshow that I had experienced so far though. Then he started with how he was in a car accident the previous day and how he could’ve died blah blah fucking blah. Told him normally I’m a very compassionate person and I would care but unfortunately I got fucked around with FIRST by a bunch of conning liars and if he couldn’t handle doing his job then by all means stay the fuck home and get better, where’s  the second in charge and lets get me the fuck outta that circus. They would be working on it I was told. 
     Almost a WEEK later and I said fuck it I’m going down there again because I want my money and to GTFO here. I go there this time and I see the finance manager for the first time. He looks at me and the first thing he tells me is he’s only finance and has nothing to do with what they were lying to me about in the garage. WTF is taking these people so fucking long? Wanted me to sign and give them money after an hour talking to them and now jerked around for 3 weeks by a bunch liars and they don’t wanna come clean. He was  able to credit the card back but He said unfortunately they have to give me a check and only the owner can sign a check this big so I’d have to wait till tomorrow and so I told him I’d be back then and left. Was told the owner would be there till 4 so I hurried down there to maybe see him. Came back the next day only to be greeted by a surprised Jason again and a reply of we were gonna next day this check to you. Bullshit. I told Jason how much this whole experience sucked for me and that I wanted to let the owner know and if I could have his email to send him my experience. Needless to say that idea was shot down and was told I could email it to Jason and he would forward it to Mr. Johnson. I believe that as much as I do that the cars there are CERTIFIED. 
    Now I have this check from First Hope Bank and not trusting these people and wanting my money back right then I goto the nearest First Hope Bank only to be told NO I can’t cash that check there because I didn’t have an account with them. Lololololol. I gave you assholes cash got jerked around because of your LIES, INCOMPETENCE and GREED and I  still have to wait 3-5 business days for this check to clear because I have to goto my own bank to cash it. 
    After this disappointment I decided I’d go back Johnson Dodge, talk with Mr. Mel again and let them know over there as well about my shit experience and give myself a better shot at getting this message to someone who gives a fuck. I sit down at Mel’s desk get him up to date on my situation and ask him if I could get the owners email. Mel tells me he understands my situation and went into the back to talk to someone for me.  
     Due to no fault of Mel’s he comes out the back with Broom Hilda. Broom Hilda who I’m told is the Parts and Service Director for ALL of the John Johnson Autogroup starts off our conversation by asking me “What’s my problem?”. WHAT?????? I’m just about done with my story and the frustrated Hilda asks me if I’m done “venting” yet because it can “ Be a real Bitch sometimes. A real C.” WHAT THE FUCK? This fucking Cunt then starts telling me how lucky I am because they found the problems before I took the car home and how my satisfaction is their number one priority. I said how about fixing those problems before I buy the damn car. I already bought it CERTIFIED paying more money and with more miles for the piece of mind and all I’ve gotten is aggravation. I told it about the Garden Gnome story and the lack of a front end rack at Cadillac and it responds that they at Dodge have a rack and that Cadillac sends some of there work up there to be done. So hold on a second. You mean to tell me that the CADILLAC dealer DOESNT have a rack yet the Dodge dealer DOES and sometimes works on CADILLACS there? That doesn’t make any fucking sense but when I told Hilda if that’s true then maybe it fucked up over there by taking my Cadillac in “working on it” and sending it back saying everything was ok only to be proven WRONG later. Hilda started having problems swallowing at this point with a combination of that Adam’s apple and all that bullshit that was trying to come out of its mouth. More bullshit came out of this cunts mouth when it started asking me if I wanted to buy a Jeep. Kept saying more bullshit like she didn’t think I was liking what she was saying. You go Captain Fucking Obvious. This Bitch is used to dildos so why don’t you do everybody a favor and take that Garden Gnome (he’s dildo size) and shove him head first up your dirty cunt and just leave him there. And for that lazy, good for nothing never seen him scum bag liar Incompotent Chris, I’ll never be back there again but there’s no fucking way in hell he hasn’t fucked over MANY of your customers in the past, and if you keep him, the future as well so leave him at the doorway so customers can punch, kick and spit on that POS whenever they feel wronged there. He wouldn’t last 10 minutes in that position before he was pummeled. I told that cunt as well that there’s so many HURTFUL, UNTRUSTWORTHY people there that you might as well keep them there and if we find anymore you can hire them there as well to keep them all in one place. When I told that cunt this statement its reply was that there are bad people everywhere. That maybe true but not every place has as many jerkoffs in one spot as where you work but You didn’t even try defending or denying the shitstains that are in John Johnson’s dealerships. Wow. My advice to Mr. Jeff and Mr. Mel would be that you both seem to be good genuine people who unfortunately don’t have people behind you having your back. You should find better employment elsewhere. Y’all are gonna try selling some “CERTIFIED “ vehicles or some other lie they preach  because others tell you it is and your forced to believe them and then you’re gonna meet another asshole like me who may not be so nice. NOBODY likes to be lied to people. Unfortunately for Mr. Johnson his last name is slang for male genitalia and after his crew tried fucking me earlier I’ll forever associate that dealership with scumbags looking to fuck people over. 
    I’m a nice guy. A really nice guy. Until I’m not a nice guy. Then I’m REALLY, REALLY NOT a nice guy anymore.  When I said we are both winners I meant it. I learned what really exists behind those walls and see the snakes for what they are. That’s MY win. You people don’t have to deal with ME anymore. That’s YOUR win.